May 31, 2010

Katie... TaDA

Today I’m introducing you to Katie. EverybodyKatieKatieEverybody.

I’ve been sitting here in my (dad’s) office, fiddling with the pencils in the blue cup next to me, looking at the New York times, checking my email and writing back to all of those people who emailed a long time ago but didn’t.

Basically I’m doing anything I can to not write this post. Because I have no idea what to tell you about Katie.

Katie is something like 5’4 or 5’3. All I know is that she is shorter than me and it had better stay that way. She has really long shiny hair that goes a long way down her back, and even when it is messed up it looks beautiful. Oh! My fingernails are starting to tint green. Excuse me while I go wash the envy off.

Alright. I’m good again.

So I thought about a list of adjectives (cool, awesome, smart, amazing, straight-forward), but that’s a bit too abstract for me. What would really know about her when I was done? You’d really just have a general idea of my vocabulary, and that disappointment can wait for later.

I could tell you about her accomplishments. She has a lot so we could get impressive here. This year is her second (third?) going to National History Day, she just finished starring in a production of Twelfth Night down in town (town, for anyone who doesn’t live around here is the general term we use for anywhere not within twenty or thirty minutes of our house). She probably is going to end up with a 4.6 and get full points on the SAT and ACT. She sings, dances, plays the piano and wii.

Yeah, that’s not cutting it either.

Ideally I would tell you a story that would reveal Katie’s innermost soul and then you would think, “Oh! I get it! Katie is totally amazing!”

I don’t have a story like that. I’m sure one exists. I might even know it. But I can’t think of it. Even if I could, I’m not sure Katie would like her innermost soul displayed for the world to see.

So I’ll tell you about Adam Popcorn, since it’s one of our more current adventures and the stupid thing of the year so far. It was my idea. I admit that fully and upfront. It was my really, really stupid idea. It came in News Writing, which is where a surprising number of ideas come.

Adam Popcorn is popcorn with melted starbursts (the tropical kind) and krazy kore skittles and peanuts. We knew it was going to be gross, but we figured in might be gross in the same way that potato chips are when you’ve eaten too many.

The starbursts wouldn’t melt. They just glopped, sticky clumps of blue-green gooiness sticking to the bottom of my butter pan. Katie and I were undeterred, however. Sometimes determination isn’t such a good thing.

We poured in the starburst, tossed the skittles and peanuts and went for it. We chewed for a while, feeling the enamel of our teeth eaten off.

“This is terrible,” I said, after I’d unstuck my teeth.

“Yeah, it’s really bad.”

But we kept putting the popcorn into our mouth in an almost mechanical motion. Headaches, stomachaches and general aches followed. We tried to go on a walk, but we just didn’t feel good enough. So we slumped on the couch and groaned for an hour or so.

“You know,” Katie said, rolling over. “I think our friendship has moved up to a new level now. Like, now when I’m in jail, you’re going to be the one sitting next to me instead of baling me out.”


I’m not sure how enlightened you actually are by this. I guess what I really wanted to say is that Katie is one of those people I can do stupid things with and say stupid things too, not because she won’t tease about it, but because when she does I can tease her back.

Happy birthday, Katie. Love you. You rock my socks. You deserve a billion marshmallows. Over.

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