Oct 30, 2010

Hiking... Or Lack Thereof


So, funny story. Remember yesterday when I was on here telling you about my weekend plans (exalting that I had some, for once)?

Well, last night I got back from the Halloween party at eleven thirty-ish, still growling about stupid James Bond writers and their refusal to let Bond retire or any of his poor girlfriends live, and went pretty much immediately to bed. I thought about staying up with a book to distract me from my head ache (curse you, whoever brought those amazingly delicious chocolate cookies), but realized that sleep was probably better medication. Besides, I was going for a hike at twelve today and so it was probably best to go to bed at a reasonable hour. So, like a reasonable and responsible person, I went to bed immediately. I didn't even floss my teeth--don't tell my dentist.

This morning I woke up with the sudden realization that I'd forgotten to do Gov homework and that, for that I would surely fail the class, not get into college and end up as a bum on the streets, like Mr. Violetti said I would... Then I woke up a little more and started cleaning up the house and doing homework.

A few minutes before twelve I headed over to Foodland, our agreed meeting place. I'd locked and double-checked all the doors, turned off all the lights, filled up a water bottle, and left my homework half finished and the bathroom half cleaned. I felt very righteous while I went, because I wasn't just lazing around in my pajamas. When I got there I sat around for a few minutes and, because I'm me, started worrying that I'd got the wrong time, place, or day. Then I realized that all the people I was supposed to meeting live twenty minutes down the road from me and have their own Foodland. Also twenty minutes down the road.


So I walked back home, swinging my water bottle and feeling very stupid.

Now I'm sitting in a cloud of bug spray, feeling sunblock rubberize my face, still decked out in hiking gear and wishing that I'd listened to my mom and gotten my drivers licence over the summer. Also wishing I hadn't listened to my mom and had ignored the bug spray on the counter. What do they put in that stuff? Makes my head hurt...

Funny, right? Ha...

Maybe I'll go to the beach.


Oct 29, 2010

Happy Halloween


Let's face facts. We all have stupid ideas from time to time. It does seem to me that I have more than my fair share (see Adam Popcorn), but we're not going to get in to Fate's slighted hand again. In any case, I have placed wearing my beautiful pure white dress to school on what happened to be a rainy day (have we talked about my school's mud? it's red) firmly into that not-such-good-idea folder.

Let's rewind a year. Last year Katie called me on my totally lame Halloween-ness. (Again.) It's true. I'm a complete party-pooper. I'm trying really hard right now to think of a Halloween when I wasn't either an angel or a witch, but nothing is coming... Oh! I was a Gypsy once. Anything more than that would have taken more creativity than I felt like giving to the holiday. So we decided last year that this year I would not lame with Katie. The plan was that Katie would be Elphaba

(Wicked. If you don't know about it, google it. and then help me convince my dad that he has to take our family to see it) and I would be Galinda.

(I'd like to think that's because I'm blond and not because I bear any resemblance to her in the personality district. Right, Katie? Right?)

Katie reminded me occasionally throughout the year (and this week), but it wasn't until this morning at when Katie walked in fully decked out in costume that I actually remembered. It was an awesome costume. Especially the shoes. I love your shoes Katie! Anyway, after that kind of shaming I had to go home and rifle through my closet. I came out with my white dress. And the hat Andrea brought me back from Finland. I looked at the clock and thought, "Oh, gosh, I don't have time to curl my hair," then I looked at the mirror and thought, "Oh, good, I don't have to." First time in a long time that my hair and I have gotten on together.

It was raining at school. My heels kicked up mud. It was hard concentrating in Gov--er, GOPO. Not that it isn't always, but especially so today. Anyway. Bad idea. The good news is that my dress is still white. The bad news is that it is possible that half the school has seen my slip. I don't know because there are too many layers to that dress to keep track of them all. And slips are, you know, slippery.

I went straight home and (after humming a few bars of Loathing) and put on the roomiest pants I could find and a sweat shirt. I've finally realized why I wasn't born a princess. I don't think princesses get to wear big ugly sweat shirts or painted up pants. They have to wear beautiful dresses with many layers and stiff, gorgeous fabric all the time. Poor them. They can't spill milk all over themselves or run through rain and kick up red dirt onto the back of their legs. I'm grateful for my jeans and my oversized sweaters. Bless them.

My weekend has now begun. Tonight I have a party (what? you thought I had no social life? just because you're right doesn't mean that you need to rub it in), tomorrow there's a hike (if it isn't pouring) and I'm making caramel apples with Katie and watching Sherlock. (It's a modern remake of Sherlock Holmes from BBC and it's so much better than it sounds. The plot holes are gaping but the cleverness of the lines is more than enough to make up for that. It's on PBS's website.) Monday and Tuesday are days off. I love long weekends. They're gifts from God and a reluctant DOE.

I'm supposed to be cleaning right now so that my poor mother (husbandless while my father is enjoying the fall weather in Boston) doesn't have to. You notice I always blog when I'm supposed to be doing things? Anyone else seeing a pattern?

Happy Halloween.

Oct 24, 2010


You know what I wasn't doing yesterday at ten o'clock? Taking the ACT.

It feels oh-so-good. It's possible that for the rest of my life I will keep track of ACT dates, just to revel in the fact that I am not trapped in a school room with scary posters trying to remember what the distance formula is or, an even harder question, why I care (...Got me). I hope that I don't do that, though. That will mean I lack things to celebrate.

In any case, at the time that many of my more unfortunate classmates were decoding evil science problems I was here, with these people

I know that was too many pictures. But they're so cute! (They're my neighbors--except for the first one, which is Mei. They brought me cookies on my birthday. They have a little sister who's picture refused to be posted, and she was the one who told their mom that I had to have "strawberry" cookies. Adorable.)

We were picking pumpkins. And red onions. And corn. I did not know those things even grew here. The corn is delicious. The red onions yummy. I haven't eaten the pumpkins. Incidentally, pumpkins are hard to pick. They like to stay on their vines and they have unfortunate bristles.

It did get hot and there were no caramel apples (to my lingering disappointment) and I was very tired while we picked because, while I'd known we were going, I hadn't realized that we were required to get up at seven o'clock to get there and I did not go to be at an hour conducive to me responding well to that wake-up call. But I wasn't taking the ACT.

I wrote my first essay for college this week. It had me seriously freaked out. That wasn't helped by Brother Ford's list of things he'd fail us for. However, the essay did make me realize what I love about blogging. I love not citing things. I love not putting on a cover page (or not forgetting a cover page and having to send an apologetic email to my teacher). I love using fragment sentences and not making my parents proof read. Mostly I love not being graded.

I also have to write a short story. I'm half way there. I'll post it Tuesday if I don't hate it by then.


Oct 17, 2010

I Don't Want To Brag, But...


I live here.

And here.

And here.

Just thought you should know.


Oct 16, 2010

(Metaphorical) Rainy Days


I broke my wrists this week. Both of them. They're in splints right now, white and scratchy and I have to dictate all of this to my mom. That's why I haven't written.

I got amnesia.

I went to Disney World and Mickey Mouse stole my computer.

He looked so innocent!

I've been in a coma.

Aliens abducted me, ran tests on my blood, thought process and eye color and then dropped me down in Idaho.

President Obama called and asked me to dedicate all my time to a top secret assignment which I'd tell you about... but then I'd have to kill you. And my licence to kill hasn't come in yet.

I want to tell you why I didn't write to you this week, but I didn't feel like it just didn't seem good enough.

The truth is that I've gotten on several times to write. I started two posts. But I am deep, deep in writers block. You know, I've always thought of writers block as a blockade that writers run into, but this week it's felt more like a box. You're inclosed: top, side and bottom. You can't just run around. You're trapped.


It's been a really bad week to have writers block. I've got four essays to write today. That I should be writing right now instead of blogging.


So that's why I haven't written to you. It's not because I don't love you. Promise.

I am now eighteen. I have been a senior citizen (get it?... don't look at me like that, bad puns run in my family) for two days and two and a half hours. I don't feel very different. It was a nice birthday, though, one of those days where you wake up feeling good and that feeling somehow survives school. I unwrapped a Grace Kelly dress at breakfast, and that might have helped keep my spirits high.

(For those of you who are so unfortunate as to not know who Grace Kelly is.... don't worry about it. If you don't know who Audrey Hepburn

 is, though, I don't think we can still be friends. Quick! Run out and rent Roman Holiday. But stop it ten minutes before it ends and just listen to me: They all live happily ever after. Really.)

So my birthday was amazing but most of the rest of the week was... it was... it was one big rainy day.

You guys know I love rainy days. I live for them. But on the metaphorical rainy days (the ones where rain drops are made up of troubles the way lemon drops are in Somewhere Over the Rainbow, the ones where stress crushes my head and I wish that the world would just take five while I remind myself how to breath) I have to employ happy tactics.

Happy Tactic Number One:  Think happy thoughts. Peter Pan

(remember him?) inspired me on this one. On sad days I break out my happy thoughts with full force: Ice cream. Rain. Mushrooms. The beach. Creme brule. Grace Kelly dress. Lit class. Pride and Prejudice. Fluffy pillows. Whisks. Earphones. Claire de Lune. Chinese. Cream Puffs. Electricity. Plumbing. Pony tail holders. Jeans. Bubbles... You get the idea.

Happy Tactic Number Two: Happy songs. King of Anything, I Need A Hero (Shrek version), Accidentally in Love, Waka Waka (thanks Sis. Frampton), and You Make Me Happy. Songs to soothe the heart, my friends. Or just give me something to jump up and down to. I find jumping up and down a very good stress reliever. When I don't sprain my ankle or break something.

Happy Tactic Number Three: Youtube. Have I mentioned how much I love youtube? I love youtube. I love it with all my heart and most of my soul. My list of happy hits is You're the Voice Merlin, Peter Bishop Just Being Generally Awesome and Kim Yu Na. Unless you live with me or live two houses down and are named Katie Orr, then you probably don't understand why I love these videos. That's OK. You can find your own videos. Youtube has something for everyone. My dad watches videos of snow in Central Park and how to cut a chicken. Each to their own.

Happy Tactic Number Four: Go to Flickr. Click on Explore and then Last Seven Days Interesting. And you thought the world was a bad place. Psh. How could you have doubted? Look at that little girl's chubby cheeks! Observe the stars and grass and that kid with a dragon fly on his face! I love Flickr. Even though it still likes Katie better than me.

There you go. These are my umbrella's for a rainy day. It disturbs me a little bit that all of them except number one involve the computer. I read too. I just don't have a specific recipe for those. I grab a book off the shelf and open it. Over Fall Break I opened Gone With the Wind and, just like you said, Grandma, I liked it a lot better the second time I read it. But it still frustrates me. The first time I read it I despised Scarlet and would have walked out way before Rhett Butler did, but the book just kept going. The second time I sympathized with her and when Rhett walked out I was upset (even though I knew she deserved it). Does the third time solve this somehow?

I really have to go write essays now.


Oct 10, 2010

A Not Quite Post


I just wrote you a whole post. And then I deleted it. My brain isn't working today. This may have something to do with the fact that I took the SAT yesterday. (Have I mentioned I hate math?) In any case, I promise I'll get you a post soon, but in the meantime this is what you get.

Yesterday when I was in a tourist trap getting lunch (bad turkey sandwiches, good muffins, really good smelling coffee) I saw a sign that said:

"All children left unattended will be given a shot of expresso and a free puppy."

I asked my mom to leave me unattended, but no luck. I guess because I'm turning eighteen this week I don't count anymore.... Next week I can vote. And get a licence without taking drivers ed. Next week if I murder someone I'm going to be tried as an adult. Which shouldn't be a problem, but, you know, it's weird. Do we have capital punishment in this state? It never seemed important before.


Oct 3, 2010

Once Upon A Time


Homecoming was this week. And because I have absolutely no school spirit I went on a walk with Katie and and watched The Pelican Brief with my family rather than sit in the football stands and let a scream of the truly devoted tear at my throat. Despite my lack of school spirit, I do hope we won. And that our field lights didn't go out this time. The excuse this is all leading up to, though, is now I am on fall break and I have no inclination to do anything even remotely productive. And writing a blog post is kind of productive.

So I've been procrastinating. But the biggest reason I haven't written is I don't have very much to say. Which, believe me, is unusual. Usually I can go on and on. I drone with the best of them. If talking was an Olympic sport, I might actually have a chance at meeting Kim Yu Na
and telling her how amazingly awesome she is. The point being, I usually don't struggle with posting.

This weekend, however, all ideas have deserted and left me high and dry with a soggy handful of words.


I'm going to make fun of early Disney fairytales! That seems pretty foolproof. If you are one of those people who holds Disney sacred then now might be a good time to stop reading.

I did not grow up with Disney. In fact, my mom did almost everything in her power to make sure that I did not identify with Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty. (She also dressed me in the scratchiest pink overalls in all of history from which I'm still recovering, but that's besides the point.) I couldn't tell you what exactly went against her grain about the Disney Princesses, but I can tell you about mine:

1. Their voices. Think

"Some day my prince will come..." Shivers, people, and not the good kind.

2. General motivation. Let's consider Ariel. She has everything. She's beautiful. Her hair is red. She can sing (much, much better than Snow White), everyone loves her and her best friend is a fish (which might not technically be a good thing, but it seems to work for her). This is not enough, though, and after one fated encounter she has to be with
our prince charming (oh, believe me, we'll talk about him in a minute). And now the only thing in the whole wide world that she wants is to have legs. So she puts at risk not only everything she owns, but also pretty much everything under the sea so that she can go hang out with her buddy on land for a bit.

And apparently karma doesn't apply to princesses, so despite all of this she still gets her happily ever after...

This is obviously the kind of show that we want our young children to find morals in. (Like Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. Run that song through your head. You know what the main idea is? If you're popular everything is good.)

3. The prince charmings are generic. For a while I thought they were clones, but then I went to see Into the Woods and I figured it out. In Into the Woods you get two princes who are brothers. In the first act one of them marries Cinderella and one of them marries Rapunzel. In the second act both of them, in the midst of marital problems that they blame on their hormonal wives, they wander away from the castle... and stumble upon Sleeping Beauty and Snow White and begin to occupy themselves with them.

I was extremely angry. The feminist in me was throwing rotton fruit. And then I realized that all the princes from the fairy tales seemed the same because they were all the same. It explains everything. Except

4. Love at first sight. It bothers me. A lot. It's like the storyteller couldn't think of any reason why someone would fall in love with their character so they passed it off to Cupid. Argh.

Sleeping Beauty should have punched the prince. That would have made so much more sense. Plus it would have been much more funny.

5. Lastly, the girl never saves herself. They whither away combing their hair, entombed in a glass casket, sleeping in the highest tower, etc. It is the most obnoxious thing ever. They're not even smart. They don't follow basic sense. Like Snow White. Did she miss the part of Stranger Danger when they said not to take food from people you don't know? Why didn't Repunzel cut off her own hair and climb down it herself? And why, in heaven's name, was Cinderella wearing glass slippers? High heels have enough potential pain without putting glass into the equation.

I like strong female leads. I'll take Elizabeth Bennet, CJ Cregg, or Olivia Dunham any day. They're witty and smart or save the world from alternate universes on a daily basis. And they don't go for love at first sight. And you know what? I bet if Olivia woke up to someone kissing her she would punch him.