Jul 23, 2011

It's OK, I'm Not Dying (too much)

Maybe the "two teenagers" in the name of this blog has morphed into meaning me and my (various) alter personalities.... Yeah, I know it's a stretch, but I don't want to have to make a new one. I don't know how. And I'm in college. And I'm learning too many things I don't know how to do by command to go and learn something for fun. Those days are disappearing in my rear view mirror.

I mostly got on to tell you that I'm OK.

I mean mostly. I got a very concerned (and sweet) text from my cousin Tisha the other day and realized that you might come away from my last post thinking that I was dying.

And I kind of was. Thursday was a day of nightmares. In every possible way. It was my wallowing day. I wallowed. A lot. Yesterday was much better. I made cookies and played Apples to Apples with my cousins Kelsey and Thayne (seriously, my cousins have saved my life this week), explored the grocery store, went to class, talked to my parents on skype (skype is one of those things the gods brought down to us out of pity, like fire), laughed with my roommates, and made Saturday plans.

(my teachers say my sentences are too long, what do you think?)

Anyway, the sum of it is that I'm doing much better. There was only an hour or so yesterday that I felt any hardcore hollowness. The rest of the day was OK. So I'm not dying. I am still planning on transferring back to Hawaii for college after Christmas, but if I do I'm not going to be running away. I'm not going to do it because I can't do this. If I go back home it will be because I've decided that that's a better place for me right now. But this--this college in a desert thing, this being away from my parents and Mei and almost everyone who's ever known me--this I will conquer.



  1. I'm glad you're not dying.
    Maybe Hawaii better suits your temperament because this is where that temperament formed. I can't much imagine leaving here myself.

    But I think by December you may even like it. Soon more people you know from here will be there, anyway.

    I know it's hard. Once when I was on the plane traveling back from college to home I was super emotional and I CRIED while watching the parent trap. The new one. Seriously.

  2. It really is ridiculous what makes me cry... Today I heard a little girl asking her dad to dance with her and that made me tear up. And setting the table. And...

    But today was even better than yesterday. I got hugs (which was important) and protein (also important, I don't really cook a lot of protein). I think, on whole, it will keep getting better. i hope so. Anyway, I'm glad you still write to me Jackson. It makes me feel a little bit better. Eat some mangos for me.

  3. I think you are totally normal and healthy. Except that you're really abnormally smart and mature, which is even better.